I arrived home from my stay at Leela, (where I left for after my friend's funeral and then packing down their flat the following day), to be greeted by a very old and dear friend- Grief, who embraced and welcomed me home fully.
The reality that my beautiful friend is no longer with us in the physical sense, hit home big time.
The huge feelings of loss and emptiness, rawness and feeling rather vulnerable at times shine forth, coming in tsunami strength waves, at unpredictable times, out in public and at home, and then pass as I let myself feel all these fully in their entirety.
I also remember so clearly our friendship before the diagnosis and the cancer took hold of my friend's body and life and how it was before I became more his advocate and carer for these past months.
We embarked on DIY projects together at my home and garden (our bench! ) music editing for my Burlesque routines, cups of tea and chats at his flat, and supporting our beloved friend Nirjana throughout her journey with cancer and in her death.
SO many things and moments to be grateful for in these precious years of friendship And love and wellness shining through it all.