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  • Writer's pictureMala

The challenges after a person dies.

Updated: Feb 2, 2022

Thank you all so much for your care and love and beautiful tributes and love for our beloved friend in these past days!

I have to say that the first time I had to tell an official that Pyasa had died, has me in tears, and I am instantly reminded how difficult it is to come out of the cocoon and bubble space of the days after someone has died.

The voice breaking, sobs escaping while trying to give the information for which I thought I was fully prepared.

The complete rawness and vulnerability at this time of “getting back out there” into the world after this short space of time to get on with the practicalities that need to happen.

Going back into his room at the care home to pack up his belongings, back to where it all happened and remembering everything that happened on his final night so clearly, and seeing the empty bed….

Registering the death, which needs to be done within 5 days in the UK (8 days in Scotland) and having to track down the MCCD (medical certificate for cause of death) needed to register his death, which I was not aware that I had to locate, as he died in a Care Home.

It would have been super supportive if they produced a leaflet on the next steps, as they do in the hospitals for these times.

Navigating these steps when you are in so many feelings and feeling vulnerable and exhausted makes it so much harder, like wading through treacle.

I then called the doctors and the receptionist was very kind, but I have to admit, I wasn't able to take the information in despite writing it down.

I found it completely confusing as I was being given conflicting information from the Care Home and the Doctors regarding the medical certificate/ death certificate or maybe it was just the different terminology they used for the same thing that had me confused.

I took space to let it all settle and then called the Registrar's office who explained it all clearly, thank goodness!

I then had to call the doctors back to chase up the MCCD to email over to the Registrar so we could have the official appointment on Friday to register his death and get things moving for the funeral to go ahead.

And this is all with me having all the paperwork and information in place beforehand!

I count my blessings that my friend had made his Will and that we talked about his Funeral Wishes, as having to deal with what follows without these would be a bit of a nightmare to be honest.

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If you are supporting someone nearing the end of life and would like some support, book a call with me.

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